To chemo or not to chemo, that is the question?

Sitting comfortable for a few hours whilst the chemicals drip into my body!




Things on the health front have progressed (downhill) so fast this year that I still cannot believe it. What started as a pain in my side and progressed to shortness of breath has been diagnosed as pleural mesothelioma and left me feeling rough (ill) most of the time! Most of this distress is caused by the chemotherapy which I have been told is palliative only. That means (and I had to look it up) that it might slow the cancer down but it won't cure it (unless all our prayers and all your prayers are answered with a miracle). I am sitting here with the forth dose of two chemicals being dripped into my veins. The week after the third dose I felt so bad I questioned as to whether I should continue. Then things get slightly better and yesterday I attended the pre-chemo health check and chat with Doctor Anna. She was very open and honest confirming that the chemo would not cure me, and that my recent CT scan did not show if it was doing any good because the biopsy operation scarring masked things. She said that the more chemo sessions I had the more unpleasant my body's response would be. She said there were three options going forward, carry on, stop the chemo or continue the chemo at a reduced strength. We agreed to carry on the chemo at a reduced strength so that is why I am sitting here now having had Ming the excellent lady nurse warm up my arm with the electric blanket, slip in the cannula and connect me to the machine that meters the poisons into my body. 

I guess the real question is "Will the extension of life provided by the chemo be worth the miserable discomfort caused by the chemo?" As the extension of life is not known it is a hard call to make. However, the kind support of family and friends, through visits, e mails, phone calls and cards does tend to make me want to be around a bit longer! So let's see how this session goes!!!

Some thoughts on being poorly, wonderful friends and an angelic visitor.

During my life I have never been very good at responding to the news that a family member or friend is seriously ill. Part of that is because I grew up in a culture where a persons serious illness was almost put under wraps or discussed in an oblique way. I remember my father being ill most of his life and not really being aware of what was wrong with him. People would even talk about "the big C" rather than mentioning cancer!

Since contracting the "the big C" myself my attitude has changed completely. I really appreciate family, friends and neighbours who engage with me, send cards, phone, e mail or visit. I have had wonderfully uplifting contacts and often forget my pain and problems when someone contacts or visits me. Some times I am so touched by what people say that I have a little cry. Please accept a "big thank you" to all of you, you mean so much to me.




My good "Fishy Mormon" friend Ian Govier sent me this tee shirt, what a treat!





I also appreciate the care I receive from the nurses and doctors. Their support is tremendous and the NHS system seems to function well. Worth special mention is my district nurse Helen who visits me at home to check on my external plumbing (catheter). She is like an angel! 

So my attitude has changed and I regret the times when I did not engage more effectively with family and friends who are poorly or who have suffered a loss.




I am writing most of this in the Marsden having my second bout of chemo. I have been transferred to the private out patients ward because the NHS outpatients ward is short of staff! There is not much difference, it's just a bit plusher and the staff just as nice. Apparently I have to have 9 chemo sessions 3 weeks apart so I am going to get plenty of time to post on the blog.

Royal Marsden Magic!

Being told you are being referred to the Royal Marsden Hospital is a mixed message, it has a reputation as one of the best cancer hospitals in the world but then do you really want to be at even the best?

The lovely people were expecting me (which always helps).  My folder of notes was ready and I was taken for all the usual basic health checks. When it was confirmed that I was still alive a lovely key worker nurse called Karon came to see us to explain that her role was to support us and answer questions etc. Then we met Doctor Raj Kumar who helpfully explained:-

A) why I was there

B) what they were going to do

When I asked him for an indication of how roughly long I could expect to live he said "oh you want to talk numbers do you?" I said yes please? He said "if the chemo goes well on average we would expect around 2 years." He then asked if I would be happy to assist with some research that involved MRI scans. I said I had suddenly developed an overpowering desire to help with medical research!




Doctor Kumar's boss, Mary O' Brien, came to visit and was very kind and helpful, she modified Dr Kumar's prescribed chemo as she noted I had been losing weight and it was agreed that I would go on two chemo treatments Pemetrexed and Carboplatin. I was to be given the chemo at 3 weekly intervals over a 9 week period (I think).

Then I met the amazing head radiologist (she was so enthusiastic and happy I missed getting her name) who was excited that I had volunteered to do the MRI experiment! She explained that I would have 3 scans, one before chemo, one halfway through and one on conclusion of the chemo. This would enable them to see if the chemo was effective or not. 




I was asked to keep track of my use of morphine and given pills to take before kicking off with chemo. I came away feeling I was in good hands with very kind and professional friends.




My next post will be all about the amazing experience of having an MRI scan!!!!