Monday 14 September 2015

For whom the bell tolls, know this it tolls for thee!

This is not mine, but it is what it feels like to me!
Went with my daughter Rachel to the Royal Marsden Hospital to get the result of my latest CT scan. I was pleased when I realised I was going to see the top lady consultant, Dr Mary O'Bryan, rather than one of her support team. I thanked her for delaying my chemo so I could attend the family holiday. She kindly let me show her pictures of the family on holiday at Center Parcs and then she got down to business. She said that the CT scans showed that the chemotherapy was not stopping the cancer from spreading and sadly there was nothing more that the Marsden could do for me. 
Wow, there is nothing quite like calling a spade a spade! 
On reflection I was not all that surprised at the scan results, as I had felt pain-wise there was a deterioration, but I did think there might have been a plan B! Dr O'Bryan made it quite clear that there wasn't a plan B that involved treatment at the Marsden and that I should look to support from the Hospice for pain control etc.  Both Rachel and I were a bit upset at this news as there didn't seem to be any room to manoeuvre and we appreciated Karen, the specialist nurse, who popped in to see us and offer her condolences.
Rachel agreed to phone round her siblings with the news but later that day I called them as just speaking to them cheers me up. The following morning I Face Timed with Dan and Holly in the States. If I call them at 09.00 it is 01.00 their time and they are usually up! Dan really cheered me up. He told me about a colleague who's wife was ill with lots of pain until she discovered the medicinal use of marijuana! Apparently it's legal in WA. I was wondering if I could get the doc to prescribe it for me, that and a Jimmy Hendrix CD. 
Then Dan said that an advantage of knowing that your death is fairly imminent is that using modern technology you could arrange to speak at your own funeral! I must say that might appeal to me. Maybe I could even sing and play the guitar? No on second thoughts knowing my ability I think that might be pushing it a bit too far!
On the positive side I am getting slightly better at managing the pain some of the time. People calling, e mailing and visiting help a lot, not only is it nice to have contact and hear their news it also distracts me from thinking about myself. When my neighbour Rick drops in we end up laughing our socks off and a few days ago an old friend Beverley came right out of the blue and brightened up my day.
I enjoyed watching the last night of the BBC Proms Saturday night and I said to Rosalind that this is probably the last time I shall be able to watch it!  A sobering thought!
Thanks for visiting the blog and reading the posts, I am amazed at how much it gets viewed all over the world. I really appreciate the kind comments and it reminds me that I have so many good friends. I truly am blessed.

17 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear this, Alan. I wish you the very best and pray that your pain may be minimised.
    Steve Duffin, New Zealand

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  2. Very Sorry Alan but hopefully you will be doing a whole lot of fishing beyond the veil too. By the way when you see the saviour please put in a good word or two for me if you have the time. Before I end off thanks for being such a good example of how to be a priesthood holder. If you see my grandson James tell him His mother my daughter loves him more than anything in the world and is looking forward to bringing him up in the Millennium. Keep smiling Alan as you always have and if I don't see you here I'll see you beyond the veil if the Lord is willing to save my sorry soul.
    Peter Godfrey Australia

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  3. Hi Alan,
    I've read a few of your blogs and my heart breaks. So sorry for not being able to read them all. I'm a friend of your daughter Rachel, and I live in Poole, Dorset.I lost my husband to the same thing you have, just this January.
    Knowing how my late husband Paul suffered with his pain and the help he received to control it, I wonder if you are on pills or patches for your pain control? It's probably not of help to discuss it on here but I would hope across the Country the Specialist Thoracic Nurses and Palliative Care Teams would have a very similar approach to the much more effective pain coverage of patches for you. If you are not using them please ask about them from your Team.
    I think of you often, although I don't know you personally, Rachel shared with me your diagnosis back in May. Continue to be the positive force you are, it so helps others, including myself.
    I pray and I'm sure your family will continue their wonderful support and comfort in what seems such an unreal time. If I can be of any help please be in touch, Paul and I have five adult children, although as hard as we found it then, while Paul was alive and going through similar times as you are experiencing now, we stand ready to help others, if we can. Again please don't hesitate to be in touch, if needs be.
    Christiane Readhead
    Poole

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    1. Christiane, thanks for the helpful message, I have been trying the patches and will consider your other suggestions when I have more time. I am leaving now to a hospital appointment. Kind regards Alan

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  5. Sending you lots of love and hugs, Alan! I'm sorry to hear your heart-breaking news :( It was so wonderful to meet you a few weeks back... Hope to see you next time I come down to the temple! Hang in there. You - and your lovely family - are in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love, Doc Emma xx ps. I think you should definitely record yourself playing the guitar - that, my friend, would be a real treat for us! :) you're a hero!

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    1. Dear Doctor Emma, thanks for the mail it was nice to hear from you and thanks for the note in our guest book. We battle on! Regards Alan

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  6. Alan, if you have the marajuana first and then video yourself singing and playing the guitar...well, that might cheer us all up! Share on your blog when it is recorded. Maybe you could sell tickets....

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  7. Dear Alan Carter, we love you! The Tucker family wishes you and your sweet family much love and laughter. Your love for life and your fun-loving personality is such a gift. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Julie, always lovely to hear from you, especially as I know how busy the family keeps you. I get the impression that AJ is enjoying his mission. Have you been able to arrange to meet up with Colin Dickie? Kind regards Alan

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  8. Dear Alan,

    I felt compelled to share your last blog with your fellow members of Salisbury and District Angling Club. It's on our game fishing forum now.
    Best, Andreas

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    1. Thanks Andreas, I miss you, the members and the river banks!

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  9. Hello from Redmond, Wa. :D
    I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed your visits here in the states. We've only spoken to each other once or twice, but your gracious and thoughtful spirit is one I have enjoyed being around, if only in such a limited way. I hope your pain can be managed and that you and your family enjoy your time together.

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    1. Dear Saligood, thanks for the message it was kind of you to remember me. I am missing visiting Novelty Hill Ward and Dan and Holly

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  10. Hello Alan -- I'm in Holly and Dan's ward in Washington and always loved your visits here. Thanks for sharing your wise words with all of us in church; your perspective (and accent :) was always a treat. Best wishes to you and your family, we'll keep you all in our prayers!

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  11. Lyndsey, so kind of you to drop me a line and to pray for me. Friends near and far in the Church do help giving one strength. If you are blessed with good health please do all the things you want to do as we never know what it round the corner! Kind regards Alan

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  12. Alan, met you on the Tolt River near Carnation by chance a few years back and we chatted for a few minutes. Saw some posts by you on the Washington fly fishing forums after the fact. Sorry to hear about your condition, praying for peace and comfort for you and your family.

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